Tuesday 21 June 2016

Degree Classification and dealing with it


When I first came to Uni, I said to myself for once Ranti let us prove that we can do this, excel and achieve skyrocketing results and find that 1st class, somehow and somewhere. Secretly I knew this was not in my ability. My academic life had been plagued with  B's and C's which did not reflect my Library shifts, (I didn't even get the required grades for University)and somehow my brain just couldn't comprehend how to write that A* paper.

So I humbled my aspirations and said at least a 2:1, happened in the first year, but things spiraled all the way down. Fast forward to today, 20th June 2016. 

I've really beaten myself up, I've  cried, cried and screamed. I'm ashamed and bitterly disappointed in myself. I graduate with a 2:2

The third year for me was like being dragged through the streets.
My dad was dying and I was dealing with it, my way, privately. 
I would go to my seminars, participate actively, and try so hard to write an award winning politics essay (that I still don't know how to write) and feedback would be mediocre. I would go to my tutor, my lecturers, everyone. 
I've never killed myself so much for an exam season, practically living in the library trying not to have a mental breakdown so I could prove to myself that right, I can do this and wave away the cloud of "she's just average".

But I have to get over it, deal with life and try not to dwell. I've never dealt with results day with my chin up and never taken the "you should be grateful" rhetoric easy. I said The university will be that last chance I have to excel academically and this fell through. 


I got what I deserved as so did everyone else. Everyone I know has done so well!

Ranti

*disclaimer, everyone has different aspirations, please please do not take this as a dig at anyone who has similar grades to me and this is an immediate reaction*

2 comments:

  1. Hi Ranti,
    I can sympathise with how you feel. While I was a high achiever at secondary school during exams things would always fall through and I finished 6th form with average grades but the intention that since I had managed to get into my dream uni I'd ace it averaged come out with flying colours...I failed my first year at Birmingham university TWICE!
    I have since finished my degree at a different uni and our stories aren't the same but I just want you to know that this doesn't 'conclude' your life journey. University is only a part of a larger purpose and regardless of what it says on that piece of paper, you can still be the person you were made to be.
    It's not easy, but keep your chin up x

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    Replies
    1. Hey AJ,
      Thank you for your amazing story, I wish I had the same zeal you had, after two fails I know myself, I would've quit. I'm taking the necessary steps to not tear my hair out LOL, Thank you so much

      X

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